Aug 26, 2019
Hello and welcome back to the Fourth Estate Militia… I’m just
gonna apologize in advance.
So there is this guy, username of Ulminati. Stands about two
and a half meters tall, lives in a frozen waste with the other
frost giants, does lame stuff like praying for the upcoming
fimbulwinter (fimbulvetr is his cursed tongue) most days but
sometimes, just sometimes, he does something even more horrible
like reword songs to fit a Shadowrun theme. Usually I can see his
message on Reddit and delete it before I’ve had a chance to read
the foul words but thanks to this unknown quantity, this user
called heckruler, I’ve been cursed with hearing the unholy words
put to music.
As I suffer so must you.
The (Modern) Career Criminal's Song
[Runner - Face]
I am the very model of a modern career criminal
The violence I use on jobs trends often toward minimal
I take my pay from Johnson, though their goals remain a
mystery
Don't ask too many questions, or your team will soon be
history
[Runner - Muscle]
I shoot with gel when fighting so I don't kill SINless
commoners
APDS is best against both spirits and their summoners
But if the run goes loud again the bodycount will soon
accrue
You better run 'cause HTR is coming for the lot of you!
[Chorus]
You better run 'cause HTR is coming for the lot of you!
You better run 'cause HTR is coming for the lot of you!
You better run 'cause HTR is coming for the lot of you!
[Runner - Mage]
I am very good at solving things in meatspace and the astral
world
Both making mana barriers and the fireballs I like to
hurl
Most of my spells are flashy but mind magic is
subliminal
I am the very model of a modern career criminal!
[Chorus]
Yes many spells are flashy but mind magic is subliminal
He is the very model of a modern career criminal!
[Runner - Decker]
When it is time for legwork, teams turn often to their
matrix-man
I dive the hosts for info, and for traps and guns I also
scan
My matrix time in hotsim takes but seconds on the meatspace
clocks
Yet all my team is fast asleep, it's really quite the
paradox
[Runner - Rigger]
If you need hasty transport then you really want me on your
side
I use my pets for scouting and make sure our force is
multiplied
They use their guns and sensors and engage in electronic
war
And sometimes they explode, but really that's what you bring
drones there for
[Chorus]
And sometimes they explode, but really that's what you bring
drones there for!
And sometimes they explode, but really that's what you bring
drones there for!
And sometimes they explode, but really that's what you bring
drones there for!
…I am so sorry
Special thanks to u/Ulminati and u/heckruler for making this
possible.
Original Reddit thread can be found here: